“Infidelity” Comedienne Rosie Wilby tours a one-woman show titled, Is Monogamy Dead? As background research for the show, she conducted an anonymous online survey, “asking what behaviors would be considered infidelity. Seventy-three out of 100 respondents thought that falling in love with someone else with no sexual contact still counted, 31 percent selected staying up […]

The part of monogamy that I was completely missing. This year many of my friends and clients are newly monogamous, after single life, dating, or being in an open relationship. My conversations with them have had me realize that I’ve been ignoring something important about monogamy. It’s as if I had only considered half of […]

(3-minute video) What vibrators and porn can teach us about men and women, love and sex, and direct vs. empathetic enjoyment.

Schadenfreude — taking pleasure from someone else’s misfortune Three Stooges; Wile E. Coyote Smiling when your ex gets dumped Empathy — the ability to feel and experience another person’s suffering Rushing to the hospital when your ex gets in a car accident If Moe actually blinds Curly, it’s not funny anymore Mudita / Compersion — taking pleasure […]

They may be similar in action. But in intent, they could hardly be more distant. An entire life journey can be taken on the road from one to the other.

I was asked what the secret was to great relationships and confidence in the bedroom. My answers surprised even me.

[Contact Ken for a PDF of the entire 6-part series.] The word Jealousy is great for labeling an intense emotion that everyone recognizes. It’s pretty much useless in providing insight into what’s actually going on or what to do. Jealousy is an oversimplification of something that’s actually complex and nuanced. It’s an umbrella term for a […]

[Contact me for a PDF of the entire 6-part series on jealousy, plus a few bonus articles.] Jealousy is a two-headed, green-eyed monster. It’s got an intellectual side and an emotional side. People often attempt to have rational conversations about it but let’s be clear: the emotional side runs the show. Jealousy absolutely, positively will not be reasoned […]

[Contact me for a PDF of the entire six-part series on jealousy, plus a few bonus articles.] Here’s something to consider. You did not set out to find a partner that no one is attracted to. You do not have a goal to be with someone who has absolutely no life whatsoever outside the relationship. […]

Let’s recap: Jealousy is an oversimplification of something that’s actually complex and nuanced. Jealousy has an intellectual and an emotional component. The emotional component runs the show. Jealousy runs cover for other, deeper feelings. Jealousy offers crappy advice. “Get over it,” if it’s someone else’s jealousy. If it’s yours, your partner must immediately and permanently cease all activities […]

Recap: To get anywhere with jealousy you have to know what’s behind it. And there isn’t one answer to this. That’s why labeling the situation “jealousy” and stopping there leads to problems. There’s a few basic flavors. What people refer to as “jealousy” is most often one of these: envy/desire, possessiveness/ownership, or insecurity. Insecurity   […]

Recap: Jealousy isn’t a very useful word. It’s an oversimplification of something that’s actually quite complex and nuanced, covering a whole constellation of different thoughts and feelings. “Jealousy” as a concept doesn’t give us very good advice on what to do. What we refer to as “jealousy” is most often a case of either envy/desire, insecurity, […]

Monogamy that works. Let’s survey the landscape: “Serial” monogamy. Affairs. Monogamish. Famously high divorce rates. Friends with benefits. Is true, lasting monogamy a fading institution? I’ve worked with individuals, happily married couples, people on the dating scene, marriages on the rocks, new relationships, poly-amores, and everything in between. And I’m going to speak a brutal truth. Monogamous relationships are harder […]

(A relic from my distant past that a friend reminded me of recently) We tend use cause-and-effect thinking as a way of trying to predict or control the environment. But we tend to go overboard trying to ascribe cause and effect relationships to everything. We’re constantly trying to do elaborate forensics to basically come up with […]

These two technologies reveal a critical difference between men and women—that may surprise you! Men’s “machinery” isn’t all that hard to operate. Rub, rub, rub, squirt squirt squirt. Not complicated. A typical adult male has easy access to as much climax as he wants; he doesn’t even need a partner. Is that a gratifying experience? […]