(A relic from my distant past that a friend reminded me of recently) We tend use cause-and-effect thinking as a way of trying to predict or control the environment. But we tend to go overboard trying to ascribe cause and effect relationships to everything. We’re constantly trying to do elaborate forensics to basically come up with […]

Here’s a short clip from a lecture I gave at OMX 2013 with Yia Vang, titled “Relationship by Design.” Here, I’m responding to an audience member seeking advice with his girlfriend. (3 min.)  

A set of brain structures commonly referred to as the limbic system gives rise to our emotions. The limbic system is associated with mammals. Reptiles, on the other hand, don’t have much emotional range. Sure, they experience sensations such as heat, cold, hunger, pain, and an urge to reproduce; and they respond accordingly. But they don’t feel joy, […]

When I was a kid, my mother would get our favorite cake for our birthday, whatever kind the birthday kid wanted. She’d either make it herself or order one special from the local bakery. My older brother’s favorite was always this one mocha cake. I still remember the flavor. It was a chocolate cake with […]

[From my personal journal, January 2012.] A woman invites a man to be a hero. And he says, Sure, yeah, I’m totally up for it. He’s completely unaware that the hero’s journey he’s embarking on is genuine, and treacherous… and that the obstacles to her heart are real — they’re not just whimsy, or her trying to […]

Q: I’ve never really been able to last long in sex without coming but recently in the last 6 months or so it’s actually been worse. Its putting stress on my relationship with my girlfriend. I was wondering if you had any suggestions? A: Here’s my thought and my experience on the subject. First of […]

What does it take for a relationship to be sustainable? We all have an idea of the necessary components. Yet even promising relationships either explode or fade into apathy more often than we expect. The roadmap we’re using seems to be missing something. “Spherical relating” refers to leaving the map in order to pick up […]

As we’ve said, OM exploits the effects that female orgasm has on women and men. It gives her the direct orgasm she didn’t think was available, and gives him the empathetic orgasm he didn’t know he was hungry for. OM isn’t the only orgasmic practice—far from it!—but it does have some features that set it […]

These two technologies reveal a critical difference between men and women—that may surprise you! Men’s “machinery” isn’t all that hard to operate. Rub, rub, rub, squirt squirt squirt. Not complicated. A typical adult male has easy access to as much climax as he wants; he doesn’t even need a partner. Is that a gratifying experience? […]

Let’s start with a concrete description of “female orgasm.” We have an intuitive sense of what orgasm is, and an inkling that it’s different in women than in men. So let’s begin with how men’s bodies respond, because it tends to be pretty consistent: First, there’s a spike in sensation. Then there’s what’s called the […]

  hey gather outside the locked, guarded door. There is an eager, impatient mulling. There’s chatter; and watches checked too often, as if time were an unruly child in need of constant monitoring; and a gentle press into each others’ personal space, forcing unintentional body contact. Apparently the waiting, the anticipation, the nervousness, weren’t irritating […]

“Yes Means Yes” is a sexual and emotional cemetery for connection-avoidant people. It is a way of punishing women for the irresponsibility of both men and women by requiring overt sign-off on everything. If I wanted to vindictively punish a woman I was with, if I wanted to make her suffer, I would play sexual Simon Says. I would […]