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On Open Relationships and the Exclusivity Slider

“Infidelity” Comedienne Rosie Wilby tours a one-woman show titled, Is Monogamy Dead? As background research for the show, she conducted an anonymous online survey, “asking what behaviors would be considered infidelity. Seventy-three out of 100 respondents thought that falling in love with someone else with no sexual contact still counted, 31 percent selected staying up […]

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The Self Empowering Monogamy Pledge

The part of monogamy that I was completely missing. This year many of my friends and clients are newly monogamous, after single life, dating, or being in an open relationship. My conversations with them have had me realize that I’ve been ignoring something important about monogamy. It’s as if I had only considered half of […]

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Men Want Sex and Women Want Love? Not Exactly.

(3-minute video) What vibrators and porn can teach us about men and women, love and sex, and direct vs. empathetic enjoyment.

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The Compersion Matrix

Schadenfreude — taking pleasure from someone else’s misfortune Three Stooges; Wile E. Coyote Smiling when your ex gets dumped Empathy — the ability to feel and experience another person’s suffering Rushing to the hospital when your ex gets in a car accident If Moe actually blinds Curly, it’s not funny anymore Mudita / Compersion — taking pleasure […]

The Path from Acquiescence to Surrender

They may be similar in action. But in intent, they could hardly be more distant. An entire life journey can be taken on the road from one to the other.

How I Became Confident With Women

I was asked what the secret was to great relationships and confidence in the bedroom. My answers surprised even me.

4 Flavors Of Cocky

Not all arrogance is the same. He got a big ego Such a huge ego I love his big ego It’s too much He walk like this ’cause he can back it up -Beyoncé Knowles, “Ego” I’m not naming any names. Instead I’m just going to leave this here in case you happen to know […]

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Working Monogamy

Monogamy that works. Let’s survey the landscape: “Serial” monogamy. Affairs. Monogamish. Famously high divorce rates. Friends with benefits. Is true, lasting monogamy a fading institution? I’ve worked with individuals, happily married couples, people on the dating scene, marriages on the rocks, new relationships, poly-amores, and everything in between. And I’m going to speak a brutal truth. Monogamous relationships are harder […]

How Masculine Relates to Feminine

Out in the world, there’s this idea that the Masculine’s right role is to lead, and the Feminine’s is to follow. That’s not true but I can tell you how it comes to look that way. Yes, the Masculine thrives in the leadership role. But he’s an equally great follower. Truth is, the Masculine does well in […]

Communication in Relationships (interview)

This is a snippet from an interview I did with Raw Attraction magazine, on communication in relationships. ~~~ R.A.: Hi Ken. We all realize that great communication is pivotal in a developing a strong relationship with someone. But, what makes great communication? K.B. First of all, it’s important to recognize that everything is a communication. […]

Sex As A Bargaining Chip: The Bad, The Good, And The Very Naughty

Take commerce out of your sex to improve it. But once that’s established… let the games begin! We’ve been trained from practically day one to view sex as a commodity. For her: “Don’t give it away.” (No matter how much you want it!) For him: “Be a good provider and protector, and you’ll get love.” […]

Your Relationship Problems Are Driving Your Security/Freedom Battle

Relationship problems. Maybe it was the day you realized, Wow, we are two Very Different People. I had no idea. Or maybe the sex isn’t clicking, and it’s getting to be a problem. Or maybe someone’s temper flared up for the first time, leaving you both extremely uncomfortable around each other. And now you’re worried about the […]

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Tango

First lesson. “Can I walk you to your car?” “Sure.” We stroll down my driveway, chatting, bodies buzzing from an OM, arms gently brushing on occasion. We stop at the sidewalk. After a pause, she looks at me in confusion. “I don’t know which car is yours,” I say. She laughs, realizing what she’d done. […]

Create The Effect To Bring About A Certain Cause

(A relic from my distant past that a friend reminded me of recently) We tend use cause-and-effect thinking as a way of trying to predict or control the environment. But we tend to go overboard trying to ascribe cause and effect relationships to everything. We’re constantly trying to do elaborate forensics to basically come up with […]

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Video (3min) – On Knowing What to Do

Here’s a short clip from a lecture I gave at OMX 2013 with Yia Vang, titled “Relationship by Design.” Here, I’m responding to an audience member seeking advice with his girlfriend. (3 min.)  

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The Evolutionary Purpose of Emotions is Communication (an essay in YouTube Videos)

A set of brain structures commonly referred to as the limbic system gives rise to our emotions. The limbic system is associated with mammals. Reptiles, on the other hand, don’t have much emotional range. Sure, they experience sensations such as heat, cold, hunger, pain, and an urge to reproduce; and they respond accordingly. But they don’t feel joy, […]

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Chocolate Cake and Climax

When I was a kid, my mother would get our favorite cake for our birthday, whatever kind the birthday kid wanted. She’d either make it herself or order one special from the local bakery. My older brother’s favorite was always this one mocha cake. I still remember the flavor. It was a chocolate cake with […]

Heroism? Sure, I’m game.

[From my personal journal, January 2012.] A woman invites a man to be a hero. And he says, Sure, yeah, I’m totally up for it. He’s completely unaware that the hero’s journey he’s embarking on is genuine, and treacherous… and that the obstacles to her heart are real — they’re not just whimsy, or her trying to […]

Ken on P.E. (Q&A)

Q: I’ve never really been able to last long in sex without coming but recently in the last 6 months or so it’s actually been worse. Its putting stress on my relationship with my girlfriend. I was wondering if you had any suggestions? A: Here’s my thought and my experience on the subject. First of […]